My Crazy Cousin

This is my crazy and fun cousin, Monica. Although she mostly lived two states away, we were generally very close to each other. My mom and I would visit her and my mom's brother and his wife quite often, even spending months with them during the summers. I even went with her and my aunt and uncle to Texas one summer and spent months with them and my aunt's family. We had so much fun together. She was so popular and easy going she had so many friends. I actually felt privileged to know her.

We had so many memories together. One summer and one experience specifically stands out in my mind as the ultimate in fun and experience with Monica. We decided we wanted to go to the neighborhood store and get something, but that neighborhood store in my opinion was really not that close to her house. I never got the hang out of riding a bicycle, but she knew how. So I got on the back of her bike, tried to hang on as best as I could, but about a block and a half later we found ourselves heading straight into a mailbox where we crashed and fell down. (We never told the neighbors whose mailbox we injured and fortunately no one was around.) Thereafter, every time we passed that mailbox, whether we were walking or driving past, we would secretly chuckle with each other about that incident. We had so much fun and laughs together! It was like we were brother and sister, rather than first cousins!

Since growing older we haven't kept in touch and go years without seeing or hearing from each other. Yet she attended my wedding and made the efforts to fly from California twice during my mother's illness and funeral service. I will always remember the sacrifices she made.

Did I mention that Monica is a recording artist? She has made several albums and made a name for herself when she lived in New York and is doing the same now in Los Angeles. She personally knows and hangs out with such people as Prince and Stevie Wonder! Hello!! Check out her blog link on my listing of blogs. She is a fascinating person and has done well for herself in the entertainment business. But no matter how famous she is or becomes, she will always be my little cousin who one day at her home came nonchalantly out of the bathroom with a streaming roll of toilet paper hanging from the back of her pants. Hilarious!!

Missing Her

I'm really missing my mother. I miss hearing from her, seeing her, and just generally knowing she's around. The nights between 8:00 and 10:00 are especially difficult because that is the time we would talk to each other on the phone most every night. Every night since the day she was hospitalized I have felt a longing to hear her voice. I always feel there's something I have to do and someone to call. And then a little bit of loneliness sets in because I have no one to call and no one calls me.

Right now I feel like I gave up on my mother at a time when she needed me the most. Even though in my deepest core I know this not to be true, I can't help but feel at times a little guilty and have a bit of regret. I hope I didn't disappoint her and that she is in heaven right now with a heart of understanding and love.

I know that she is in a much better place and is free of pain and suffering. I hope one day I come to a place where the guilt and regret become minimal. I hope one day I begin to realize that despite the tragedies of those three weeks, I will feel not the disppointment of my mother, but rather the understanding and compassion of a loving parent for her child who only wanted what would be best for her. Heaven is a place where, ever since I could understand the concept, she has always wanted to go to and be at. And I know that she is finally truly happy and at peace. Heaven's gain is certainly my loss.